12/21/11 09:32 PM
Something to live by...
We moved to a new town 22 years ago. We had only been here a few months when my wife got appendicitis. In those days, this was only repaired with open surgery, and afterwards, she was unable to lift anything, including our new 11 month-old, for at least 6 weeks.
That’s how we met Janet. Gram came for a week to help out. She took the kids over to Stride-Rite for shoes and was telling the Stride-Rite lady, Janet, her plight. Without a second thought, Janet said, “I’ll help you out.” She rearranged her whole life for a complete stranger, and came over every day and just took care of things. And she never left for almost 15 years.
“I’ll help you out.” That pretty much sums it up, but not quite. Janet was safe. Safe to be around. So many people aren’t. There was never a child, or an animal that didn’t know this instantly. Janet meant safety. A lot of people will tell you you’ll be okay IF you do something or believe something their way. Janet just accepted you as is, and you were okay. Safe. Accepted. Okay. Nothing else required.
She had a quiet spirit that quieted the spirit of everyone around her. Who wouldn’t want to be around that. Everyone did. She never seemed busy, although she did a lot. She was never too busy for you. You were her focus. No thought of looking away.
She made a lot of other people like that too. Some years later, I needed someone to help at work. I called Shawna at 6 AM, and she just said, “I’ll help you out.” It sounded familiar, and she never left either. She helped me out that day, and then the next and the next. She was employee of the month her very first month. Just like Janet.
And Janet believed. In what? In an agenda? In a doctrine? Maybe. I don’t know, but that is not the point. The point is simply that she believed. She believed in you, and in doing so she let you dare to believe in yourself. She never made you feel like you had to do something for it to count. She believed in what you were doing, in what you needed, in the idea that she could help. No conditions, just belief. She made you feel like you mattered just the way you were.
Janet didn’t get too excited about too much. She faced things, especially in the last years, that would unnerve or dishearten most people. Some have described her as a fighter, but I think it was simpler. She was just resolved. She just accepted circumstances in the same unconditional way that she accepted people. There was no point in complaining or despairing. Just do it.
Faith. Faith in us. Faith in all of us. I visited her in Toledo Hospital shortly before she went to Cleveland Clinic. We talked with the cardiologist. She wanted my advice. I could see her fear, but she accepted my advice and encouragement. She trusted me. Did I give her the right advice? Did I give her the faith, and the time, and the patience that she has always given me? Did I tell her right? I hope so. I know she was in a very tough spot, and so did she, and she faced it with faith and courage. I hope, I pray that I did right by her, but I’ll wonder about that for a long, long time.
She didn’t ask for too much. She always regarded others as more important than her self. Unassuming. Satisfied. Even with everything going on, even to the very end, she was sunny and her bravery and her optimism seemed effortless. She made everyone else brave. Without a word, just by example, she gave everyone else permission.
She still does. We all had a chance to experience something very special. To know someone very, very special. Can we do for others what she did for us? Can we be that brave? That accepting? That devoid of judgement? Can we be for even one person, what she was for so many. I think we have to. I am not sure if I did right by her on that last day. Could I have done more? Could I have been there more? Yes. I could have and I should have. Maybe I can make it up to her by being more like her. It’s a big deal. Can I ever simply be as good of a person to others as she was to me? I doubt it, but I can think about all the time. I can think about her and model myself after her. I see her quiet faith and her strength in Todd and Shawna, in Dick and her other family, and maybe especially in Jacob.
Some pastors give us shallow platitudes. Do this and you’ll get that. Think like me and parrot my beliefs and then you’ll be okay. Janet never did that. For Janet, you just were okay. Simple. Unassuming. Just like Jesus. Life by example. Living faith. Let’s do it too. That is how she will stay alive. In us. In each of us.
